Moving Foward

Things have improved the Alley house. Sometimes, I just struggle so much with everything that I have mentioned earlier. Me and J had a long talk which always makes thing better, but sometimes I wish it didn't have to get to that part, not that I don't like clearing the air, but we need to work of making it happen sooner.

We had a date Friday night which was wonderful. We took j to my sisters and we went out to dinner and watched Angels and Demons. The book was better...the book is always better, but it was nice to get away for a few hours and reconnect.....we tell ourselves we need to do that more often and time moves foward and we get busy and we lose sight of things. Maybe not this time.....maybe

'Nother Day

I'm really struggling here....I cannot decide if I'm being selfish, have too high of expectations, if it's horomones, or if it's not me at all....I don't know what my deal is lately....actually I know what part of it is....it's the whole appreciation thing. I WANT to know that I am....so here's the deal, I really cannot complain about what he doesn't do because he does do chores around the house and I do appreciate it and I tell him. I've read in those magazines that they want to be appreciated so I try to do my best to say "thank you" for different things. But I also want the same thing in return and I don't see that I get it....like I've said before he's not much of a verbal kind of guy, but I wouldn't think that "thank you" would be very hard to say. That's why I've tried to focus on my grateful list, but I've done a shit job with that too. I dunno, maybe my expectations are too high. I can't help but think it's not entirely me.....we've had these discussions before and it usually goes back to the same. So I get mad when I don't feel appreciated, then I just ignore him, and that usually makes things worse. I wish I knew the secrets to making a great marriage...and I really hate to say this, but things have changed since j was born and I knew they would, but not quite like this.....he's a really good dad, but sometimes I feel like he's forgotten about me...again, why I've tried to pay attention to those things to be grateful for and what he does through his actions....again not doing a good job with that.....I really do love him very much......I really wish I could get past this

Thanks for listening....

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all!

Ok, I'm going to focus on the actions.

1. Breakfast of biscuits and gravy
2. Mother's Day Card he bought that is recordable and hearing j say "love you" in the card
3. Flowers that I was not expecting at all
4. Puts the sheets on the bed and makes it without me

On another note, we went to my mom's tonight and there was a burrow in the front yard with 5 adorable baby bunnies in it! I couldn't believe it. j loved them and wanted to "hold it" with all of them.

Have a great night

So much to say

Where to begin....well last weekend we had our garage sale. Several people from work joined in so it was pretty big....I would say it was successful.....with our money, we put it toward lawn care and a new grill. We still have bushes to buy and plant (which I am not looking forward to, I hate yard work), but it will all be worth it in the end. We are SLOWLY improving the look outside....nothing too drastic, just needed some lovin'

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of shopping ALL BY MYSELF. I took j to my mom's and spent the day in St. Joe. It was great and I loved every minute of it. I bought myself a couple pair of sandals and a couple shirts....I really just enjoyed not being rushed and enjoying the day.

So, I have more to say....I've really been struggling lately with my life....the challenges that have come along with being a wife and mom are certainly not what I expected. I can get so mad at myself sometimes for being impatient with J and j. I really don't know how to explain what I have been feeling the last month or so....there are have so many ups and downs....I don't know why I just can't let some things go.....J says to lower my expectations and it will be easier....I'm sure he's right to some extent, and there are things I just need to "let go." I think the hardest part is not feeling like I am appreciated....I know J loves me and shows me in his own way, but I really wish I could hear those words, like "your a good mom" or "thanks for doing that, I appreciate it." It really does bother me, and we've talked about it before, and it doesn't change....he's just not a verbal person like that. So lately, I've been trying to focus on the non-verbal messages that he gives me. And I know that actions speak louder than words. I've read in magazines that a mom has to take care of herself and take time for herself, and put herself first because no one else will. It simply amazes me how much a mom is worth. I never could have imagined. OK, thanks for letting me say what I needed to say.....